Written by: Ahmad Babar
Over the past few years I have come across various things that guys do in relationships or while trying to get into a relationship, some through personal experience and some while giving advice to friends. I found some interesting insights which I thought might be helpful to quite a few people out there so in no particular order, I give you the Do’s and Don’ts:
1. Do not and I mean do not use tricks, lines from desi movies to try and get a girl, the only reason the hero gets a girl by wearing flashy red pants with silver tees and using cheap lines is because the script says he will get her. In real life, it will only lead to some major heart break for you
2. In contrast, be yourself, don’t try too hard to impress a girl, let her be drawn to you rather than force yourself on to her. A smile or two works, constant staring and a fixed smile that just won’t go away will push her further away from you. Might even permanently label you as freak in her eyes.
3. Do not send things anonymously, no one has the time to sit and wonder whether the guy sending them flowers through someone else is their prince charming anymore. If you want to make a move, do it in person.
4. Remember, a single “no” can be turned around, but continuous “no’s” mean it’s a NO. Do not pester the girl after that, you will lose any chance of friendship that you may have with her.
5. Only use a wingman if that person knows the tricks himself. Just because Barney & Ted can pull it off doesn’t mean you and your friend can. And please, make sure your wingman doesn’t creep the girl out before you have a chance to talk to her. And not every line that works in US shows works here, know your surroundings.
6. The crowd you hang out with has a great impact on the image she’ll form in her mind about you.
7. Make your intentions clear, if you are interested in the long run, let her know. And don’t lie about being interested in the long run when you are only looking for some fun. Remember, every girl deserves respect, learn to give it to her.
8. Make eye contact, and keep your eyes focused on her face only. If you won’t I am sure you are smart enough to know how she will react.
9. Once you have managed to be with her, continue to respect her. When a girl agrees to go out with you, she’s putting in a lot of trust in you, don’t lose it. Like/love her for who she is.
10. Be honest about the way you feel about her and what you want from her and learn to listen to, not just hear, what she wants from you and what she expects. Mutual respect and conformity goes a long way.
11. Always tell her that she’s beautiful, make her feel beautiful even when she’s in plain clothes with her hair tied back and has her glasses, that she hates, on. If you can’t find her beautiful then, you shouldn’t be with her.
12. Never compare her to another girl negatively. Telling her that she’s not looking as hot as some other girl you know, especially to her face on a date, just makes you a jerk. Period! If you want someone as hot as the other girl, go be with the other girl, don’t hurt the girl who’s trying her best to be with you.
13. Learn to respect her values, just because she likes you and is in a relationship with you doesn’t mean you get a free hand with her. Respect her values and family restrictions. Show her that you care for her and for her family.
14. Be friends with her friends, but within limits. If she’s not comfortable with you being too friendly with her girlfriends, listen to her. She knows them better than you know them, and she should matter more to you than they do.
15. She will feel insecure, keep reminding her from time to time that you aren’t going anywhere and mean it. Hurting your girl for some other girl is one of the worst things you can ever do, and trust me, there always are consequences for you down the road.
16. Listen to her but also use your own mind. At times she might want you to do something which will be against what you stand for, e.g. ditching your friends or ignoring your family. Make her understand your point of view. Be understanding but don’t be a puppet. Mutual respect is mandatory for a healthy relationship.
17. There’s a fine line between maintaining self respect and being egoistic. Try to be on the right side.
18. Don’t boast about her in front of your friends, especially about how intimate you guys get. Remember, you might end up married to her, so you don’t want to be saying anything you will end up regretting later.
19. Never, ever make her do anything that she’s not comfortable with, you will only lose respect for yourself in her eyes. And if she trusts you with something, make sure you don’t break that trust, even after you guys break up.
20. A break up doesn’t mean that you have the automatic right to *leak* secrets, pictures and to diss her in front of your friends.
21. Don’t try to stick around to be friends after a breakup, let her know how sorry you are if you are the one who’s ending it, and if she’s the one breaking up with you, try to convince her but learn to accept it. Ex’s shouldn’t be friends, it affects your future relationships and it hurts you both. Accept the end and start afresh.
22. Always be ready to apologize for fights, even when it’s not your fault. It will only make her fall for you more.
23. Once you’re engaged/married, treat her like a part of your family, when you bring her home, you also put the responsibility of taking care of her on your shoulders. Do not mess it up over petty issues.
24. Remember, NEVER, EVER lie about the way you feel. Whether its saying you have feelings when you don’t or saying you don’t have any feelings when you do, it always ends up hurting both of you and comes back to haunt you.
25. In the end, just be yourself and love her with all of your heart and soul.