Written By: Sarah Ansari
30 seem to be a number that single South Asian women dread (quite literally). Our society and the people have made such a big deal about their women being 1) Single and 2) 30 years old. I will quote my mother here, “I started gathering your jahaiz the moment you were born and I’ve been waiting and planning your wedding dress since you were 6.” Bless mothers, I mean it’s not their fault, they just don’t want to be caught off-guard if their daughter tells them that she wants to get married in a month’s time (God that would be chaos!). In social gatherings and events even if there’s a 30 years old, single woman with her parents or just with friends, they’ll give her weird looks and try to analyze that something MUST be wrong with her (physically, emotionally or some other way). And these are some of the comments they’d say:
- Haw!! 30 years old!?! And still single?? Taubah Taubah!! I’m sure she has boyfriends and doesn’t want to be tied down.
- Tsk tsk… she’s still not married at 30?? I feel sorry for her mamma and abba.
- She looks okay to me; there must be something wrong with her “internally.” Etc.
I’m sure everyone growing up must have heard such similar comments being passed around those aunties that sit in small groups; all huddled and whispering to each other; scrutinizing every girl that passes by their table. Or you might have heard them from your relatives, cousins, parents, or friends even; and heard their horrible, terrifying tales of being made target of such violating scrutiny (come on now, you can admit it, it’s alright).
Now I’ll come to the point of this article (and no, it’s not going to be a lecture but I would like to share from my own personal experience to enlighten girls AND boys) using this platform of Pink Magazine, of course. Last year I turned 30 (and yes, I don’t hide my age…in fact I’m quite proud of it… I know some of you would have gasped… blasphemy!! But that’s how it is). Anyways, before I get lost in expressing my sense of humor; let’s get to the sharing-of-the-experience-part. As I was saying, I turned 30 and quite honestly I had been dreading it (like any other South Asian female). I dreaded because I didn’t want to be scrutinized by those aunties and of course I didn’t want them to make me feel as if I’ve “passed my age of marriage” and that I won’t be able “to find the right guy at such an older age.” It’s natural to feel the dread and it usually starts anywhere from 6 months to a year before or maybe 2 years (but who’s counting, right?). Most of my guy- and girl-friends who had turned this “golden age of 30” had told me that it was not a big deal and that nothing changes as soon as the birthday is over and done with.
Well, I wasn’t really expecting to grow horns or a tail on my birthday, but you all get my point, right? The dread was building up and a month before my birthday I came to an enlightening conclusion which was, that 30 is just a number (yes I know you were thinking the same thing, but I’ll ask you once you’re turning 30 yourself); and as for those aunties, they can talk all they want because quite frankly they will never stop! (Heck, I’ll even go join them. Gossip is fun! And women and gossip tend to go along quite well, right ladies? He he). I do feel sorry for our parents who have to face these aunties day in and day out, but they do a pretty good job of keeping us protected too. Let me just say this, it’s not that bad after all ladies (and gents) we’re just a bit paranoid because of the pressures society puts on us and our parents. Plus the “rules” that they apply to us women especially. So what we’re single, we’re happy no matter what, we’re making a career for ourselves, and we’re independent and standing on our own two feet!
Women in our society are often defined by the man (husband) they walk behind or along with. We need to educate our future generations that yes relationships are important for the survival of the species but if you’re not in a relationship (long term or short term) that doesn’t make you incomplete. We need to embrace our independence and realize that we’re part of this society as well. We’re able to contribute to this society’s welfare and make up a huge chunk of it too (guys we women are somewhat a majority, no offense) and that no one is perfect (yes, not even those aunties huddled together). Embrace your age and enjoy life because it’ll pass you by very quickly and then you’ll be left with regrets and a bunch of what-ifs. When it’s your time, I pray that everyone get their happily-ever-after; but till then be grateful and thankful to Allah for the life He’s given you and cherish every moment (whoops! It did come out as a lecture, but you guys got the drift right?).
Stay Pink!
