To tie or not to tie

By Hafsa Shorish
Since the wedding season is always at the pinnacle of its glory and grandeur around this time of the year, so I thought it would be best to delightfully delve into the topic of “Weddings”. ‘Wedding’ is one such word which brightens up the whole meaning of their life for some while there are those who look at it in quite a cynical fashion. As far as girls are concerned, wedding often leads them to consider a plethora of questions related to unrequited desires, reticent fears, and bashful happiness.
In our society, age is the agent X. It is deemed as such a vital deciding factor in marriages that its importance has soared to a completely superior level with the passage of time. Without agent X, there could not be an agent Y or Z. The age of the bride has become a determinant in guaranteeing a successful marriage or a disastrous compromise. According to the popular belief, girls should be tied down at a young and tender age because then they are easily molded and controlled. With due respect to our cultural mores and traditions, I personally find this idea quite amusing not because I am against it but due to the fact that it just does not make sense to me.
First of all, I would like all of us to agree to the point that yes marriage is quite a sacred institution from all aspects. It is indisputably a precious and beautiful journey of two people who do not only vow to spend their life together but also choose to become each other’s confidants. Marriage is one such delicate relationship which is woven by the threads of unfathomable love and complete respect for each other. Therefore, it is just ethically and spiritually wrong to impose imprudent restrictions on girls or set some baseless barriers for them. Who knows the right age to fall in love or for that matter, when is the best time to get married? Who can assure us that Mr. XYZ will keep us always happy or such and such person could fulfill all our dreams? Well the answer is startlingly quite simple and uncomplicated. It is definitely only in the hands of Allah to make all things go well. He could make wrong things go right. It is He who could sort out all the convoluted tethers. Thus, we must not whine or worry about who would be or could be the one that we need to tie our knot with and the same goes for our elders too. Our mothers shall not encourage the futile “husband hunting” culture which thrives upon by girls being the hot potato. Especially, the girls in Pakistani society are always kept under a speculative mechanism since their birth no matter to which class they belong to. This does not imply that one should never marry but it merely suggests that girls must not be socially outclassed if they exceed the hypocritical “ideal age limit” or be treated as taboo subjects if they get married at their teenage years. Seriously, you and I can never figure out what’s the best for the “rest”. We must keep our own personal preferences to ourselves and let others enjoy whatever they have.
If a girl ends up getting married at the age of eighteen years and she is perfectly fine with it then who are we to stop her or label her marriage as a hasty and childish decision, on the other hand, if a woman who has reached the age of twenty eight and is still not married then she has neither committed a crime nor has she tuned into a sinner. Women must not let the chauvinistic attitude of few twisted minds bog them down. We must learn to accept all kinds of situations and circumstances. Our tolerance can compel us to view the world in an unbiased yet revitalizing manner. We must not let our idiosyncrasies and silly foibles shackle us down and make our lives stagnant. We all should continue to evolve and better ourselves in order to become polished and accomplished individuals. Thus, to tie or not to tie the knot should not be a life and death struggle or be considered as a nuisance. We must bravely take it up as a challenge and revel in it with gaiety and responsibility.

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ahmed January 3, 2010 at 3:26 am

awesome!!! mind blowin!!let them live their lives !!

Shazreh January 3, 2010 at 6:26 am

Hey Hafsa…ive read your article and its really nice…your thoughts are very compelling and relevant…keep up the good work:)

Anem January 3, 2010 at 1:18 pm

Very nicely and sensibly done. But I do believe that our society has already modified their thinking A LOT as far has marriage is concerned ( in the last decade or so) (especially the middle class). More people have started giving a professional career of a woman more importance than her marriage, not fretting about her ageing. On the other hand women who get married at an early age are still accepted/allowed to move around in their professional world without the marriage being any hindrance. Women are more independent now but then again there are communities / classes who follow the old fashioned notions / traditions that you pin pointed in your article.
As you said, it’s all in the hands of Allah. There is no right or wrong age. There is no right or wrong Mr XYZ. If something is meant to work out, it will, no matter what.
Keep up the good work hafsa 🙂

Cassie January 4, 2010 at 3:58 am

Good stuff!:D

roselyn January 8, 2010 at 3:24 am

pretty witty 🙂

Jay January 11, 2010 at 10:25 am

cannot agree more,thoughts were beautifully and meaningfully put out..good luck with future endeavours!

Waqas H. Mehr January 22, 2010 at 2:27 am

Good one, keep it up, keep writing:)

Dizmi January 30, 2010 at 2:00 am

very nicely put.keep up ur good work.

maydda September 4, 2010 at 4:40 pm

Beautifully written… and yes marriage knows no age… it is a natural process… it happens when the time is right…;)


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